Class Relic
Class Relic
The Sand Boat - Poetry class help?
Please critique.
The Sand Boat
Far across the Kalahari
Sails the Sand Boat, radiant craft
Relic of some ancient folly
The sandspray mists from fore to aft.
Once held men or gold or diamonds
Still long-forgotten crew aboard
Their bones now feed the hungry sands
Their final passage still unfolds.
The nomads know to not trespass
The desert hugs its sacred young
And in the hold remains the stash
For who would touch a Grizzly’s cub?
Locked in eonic enmity
The wind and sand and ocean warred
Short peace brings to this trinity
Messiac monument of Man.
Dune waves undulate, endless shore
Zephyr’s tendrils withhold their breath
For ages now and ages more
The Sand Boat floats, a shibboleth.
I like it very much, however there is one line that bothers me: "For who would touch a Grizzly's cub?" seems out of place with the ocean / desert imagery that you've presented. Other than that it's quite well written in my opinion.
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